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This will be my sixth move since 2000. Six change of addresses in nine years. Every move gets worse. The junk accumulates and the furniture gets bigger, heavier, and easier to damage.
Moving is to sucks as death is to blows. Actually, it’s worse than death. Yes. Worse. A bigger hassle than the eternal dirt nap.
Here are four reasons why:
1.) Dying involves less baggage- Death means someone else takes away all your crap. You honestly don’t care what the hell they do with it because you’re dead. Moving means touching and evaluating every single possession and having a five minute internal dialogue about the importance of the piece of shit. “I might need these cat place mats in the next house. Aunt Ethel did mean well when she gave us decorative plate for our wedding. Isn’t there an expression that you can never have too many Panini presses?”
2.) Dying doesn’t involve unpacking- Let’s say there is an afterlife. When you get there you are already dressed for the occasion and ready to party (possibly “like hell”). Moving not only involves weeks of packing but months of unpacking once you settle in your new spot. At least with packing there is a deadline. You need to be out and ready by closing day. Unpacking has no end date so boxes of crap sit in rooms and closets for years. Then one day you can’t find a book you took from the library and have to rip open every unpacked box. And where the hell has the cat been since we left the old place? Oh no Mittens!
3.) Dying doesn’t involve repairs- When you die there are few preparations. If you go without notice, the people left behind square everything away. Kind of like starting a tab and passing out on a bar stool. If you know your time is ticking, you make plans like finances, will and testament, and settling up with Blockbuster for that overdue copy of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.
4.) Death is permanent but moving never ends- Drop dead and there is only one place you are going; six feet under in an incredibly expensive box (or maybe a nice urn on the mantle depending on whether getting buried freaks you out even in the after life). You think where you live now is your final stop. Nope. You will move again, whether you want to or have to. To a bigger home. To a smaller home. To a nursing home. This is just a pit stop on the Enterprise (Not U-Haul) express to another location. You will be on the move forever. Until you drop dead.
As you read this, I am probably lugging boxes into my new house. Wish me luck.
What’s that sound?
MITTENS!!!!!!!!
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I hear ya! I’m planning a move back to Australia in October and I’m amazed at the stuff I’ve collected in the 2 years I’ve been here. Holy shit, what did I need 3 strainers for? And all the glasses when I never had people even drink espresso much less need 6 matching espresso cups?
Good luck and I hope Mittens makes it out alive!
Australia?? Really?
Yep, the boy can’t live over here in Canada due to the requirement for a visa so I’m heading back over that side of the world. Considering he lives in New Zealand and I have family and friends in Australia, we’re still negotiating
And as far as I know, U-Haul or Enterprise don’t drive all the way there.
I’ve been contemplating a move myself but now I see that croaking may be the better option. Thanks for helping me come to my senses.
Well, MoonDog, if you do decide to croak, I hear erotic asphyxiation is popular again LOL
Chris, if you’ve moved that many times, do you have any stuff still in boxes? I moved every year for about 5 years and realized if I just store the stuff I don’t need right away, it will be easier to move
How can you, Chriss, On such a day as we have sustaninted such losses, OMG, MJ, FFM, and Even m , m mch. so much about them. My latest hero ( about to be put in the dirt) Is cpt. GW houhton, Killed on a routine training mission. but it was normal? ( well, I was a nav. sometimes thisgs get F cked up. Please remember Daniel ( working to save downed aviators. shot down in afga. I forgot to mention, they have a yonger brother, curently in denver ( humm, whats in Denver… Why shit it is the USAF. ….
I was kind of down, chris, then I saw that horrible , morbid ,racing picture and you gave me a laugh> ( must explain I have seen two kids die ( well one was along time ago) But I oppose the rental of stuff to kids. And none of this is funny, believe me. But do you have the legal shit to that. ( to add captions? Like “hey dude smoking is my right”
I am sorry Chris, That is a very good picture, but it sure as hell is disturbing. gog tom
Just moved to a new place and reading this is the best therapy ever!
Thanks Tiger. Have you been saying “I’ll never move again” for the past few days? I have.
lots o sheep, Chris. Better learn to like lamb or mutton. but also good seafood.
well, cept for lobsters, atlanitc shrimp, and … well uh….. hey you know deviled blue crab…. and flounder …. damn i want some seafood now….
Oh, I have been saying ‘I’ll never move again’ after every moving.
I went through your archives and read about your problems with the truck rental. We tried with the movers first and had an epic story also - it took about 2 weeks and finally they didn’t even show up, we had to rent a track and lift all this crap ourselves.
Now, on every mention or moving somewhere else I go crazy.
Anyways, fantastic & really funny blog… the only non-basketball related blog I got hooked up, actually.
Thanks for the comment Tigercub. Come back often!
Неплохая подборка в блоге, хорошо сделано, автору спс.
Согласен с постом, но есть некоторые не точности=(
Дабы углубится в саму суть материала, добавил RSS и в избранное. Буду внимательно изучать
Fun article..but yeah, having moved recently (which involved packing, packing and more packing and not to mention the amount of unpacking at the destination) was enough to last me a lifetime !!
What’s worse: packing or unpacking?
LoL, Very funny oicture, and article, i might use that pic ar ana avatar!