With all the moving, housework, and general life upheaval over the past few months, I gave myself a free pass on the  physical exercise. A little treat for working so hard in the gym all those years.

I got fat and unhappy. It was time to kick it back into gear. Problem. I threw out my running shoes. I noted this issue in a random Tweet one morning and got a response asking “would you like to try out a pair of new one.”

It’s like Santa on social media. I was sent a pair of Saucony Men’s ProGrid Xodus sneakers. They looked awesome. They felt awesome. I couldn’t wait to get back into running but I want to make sure these shoes lasted me a long time. So, I got a How To article to counsel me on the finer points of breaking in running shoes.

Running shoes are the most important piece of equipment for any runner. Taking the proper care in selecting and breaking in running shoes can mean the difference between a smooth run and a rocky one full of blisters and foot and joint pain.

I KNEW running shoes were important to a runner. I was torn between running shoes or multi-color headbands with reflectors. This article says shoes are most important and I tend to believe anything written on the Internet. Anything. So, we can say the headbands are a close second though right?

Step 1- Start breaking in shoes before you buy them. What time of day you shop for running shoes is an important factor in selecting shoes that will break in properly. Shop in the later part of the afternoon when you feet have generally swelled to what their normal size during running would be.

Break in the shoes before you buy them. You just blew my mind. It’s kind of like the glass is half empty. The glass is half full. The glass is dirty because I refuse to wash dishes when we have a dishwasher. It makes no sense. Rinse before I put them in? Do I put my clothes in the bathtub before the washing machine? Also, for the record, my feet don’t swell. I soak them in Epsom salts for the last eight hours of my day because I live the feel of bubbles between my toes. Lie. I just wanted to blog the name Epsom Salts. It was a life goal. Check.

Step 2- Look for running shoes with at least 1/2 inch space between your longest toe and the end of the shoe. This may often mean buying a pair of shoes sized 1/2 to a whole size larger than normal street shoes.

I have running shoes and regular shoes. Street shoes sound so dangerous. I don’t know if I’m tough enough for street shoes. I’ve never claimed to be “from the street” but I will claim to have lived in houses on several streets. If you are from the street, you really should consider indoor living. I won’t preach though.

Step 3- Try on shoes at the store while wearing the type of socks you normally wear while running. Since socks come in different thicknesses, it is essential that you account for their size when buying new shoes.

I run in black, Gold Toe socks. They are very thin and I can pull them up to my shins. I do this not for comfort but for protection. While I don’t live ON the street I do run on it and heaven forbid I run over the area of one of these street people I want to look at least partly nuts so they don’t mess with me or steal my headbands.

Step 4- Purchase pairs of running shoes if you can afford it, especially if you run on a daily basis or log long miles. You can alternate pairs from day to day to help extend the life of each and prevent uneven wear.

Pairs of running shoes? Who am I Runnie Rich? If I had to alternate pairs I’d never run. I’ll sit there all day trying to figure out which pair I am supposed to wear next. I’m anal. (Side note- can we adopt a new word for neat? How about butt play? Not as offensive. Get it done.)

Step 5- Break in running shoes by running 60 to 70 miles. You should plan on running at least one long distance run in your new shoes as part of the break in process in addition to several shorter runs to help break in the shoes.

Oh screw you dude. I just got all the way to highway before I realized you meant “60 to 70 miles on separate occasions” and turned back. My knees feel like baby Farina.

Step 6- Break in running shoes for a marathon or other race at least 4 to 6 weeks prior to the event. Especially in the case of long distance runs, it may be necessary to purchase a pair of running shoes specifically for that event.

You are masochist. Can’t I run for a hobby? All this pressure to run a race. That is all you care about. Personal success. You and mom always pushing me. THIS IS MY LIFE! I’m the one calling the shots. You alright! I learned it by watching you!

Step 7- Purchase shoes from a store specializing in running shoes and you may be allowed to give them a test run on a treadmill before you purchase them. When running, watch out for areas of looseness around the heel and remember that the toe box or portion of the shoe at the front of the foot should be spacious and not cramp your toes.

I’m no list Nazi or person that takes counting seriously but shouldn’t this step be up by the other purchasing steps? Step 1- Put ingredients in oven. Step 5- enter a baking contest. Step 7- Turn on oven. Feel me?

After a few weeks, the sneakers are still amazing. They give amazing support. It doesn’t matter if it’s a treadmill, the street or running trails. I can also feel the difference when I’m not even running. For example, the steps in my house are wood and incredibly unforgiving on the knees. When I’ve got the sneakers on, I can’t feel a thing. No shock on the knees. Like running in a house of pillows. (Note to self- get some estimates on a house of pillows.) I did some reading up, and the outsole of the shoes are made by Vibram, the same company that makes those cool five finger shoes.  So, that probably explains the reason my knees don’t weep as much as a woman watching Lifetime.

I can’t recommend them enough. I mean I can recommend them enough but who wants to hear me talk about sneakers all day? No one. Repeat. No one.

So instead of going on and on, why don’t I just give a pair away? That’s right, it’s contest time. Want to win a pair of brand-new Saucony ProGrid Xodus running shoes? These aren’t just regular sneakers. The ProGrid Xodus were named Editor’s Choice for trail running sneakers by Runner’s World last year. They should have an ego they are so awesome. They don’t though. They are bigger than that.

The contest is pretty damn simple.

Step 1- Sign up to receive Great Moments in Christory by by clicking here. If you already subscribe, you are awesome, and move along to step 2.

Step 2- Forward the confirmation/verification sent to your email to me (cilluminati@gmail.com) along with *one* picture of your current running sneakers. The older the better. The dirtier the better. The crappier the better. Send a pic doing something ridiculous to ruin your running sneakers. I don’t have a foot fetish, this is just funny stuff.

Step 3- Sit by your computer and wait. I’ll choose my favorite picture, post it to Christory, and the winner will receive a brand new pair of Saucony sneakers for their very own.

Men or women can enter. The winner will get the correct shoes for their gender, promise. Deadline for pictures is August 22nd.

On your mark, get set, SNAP!