Hello, welcome to my little corner of the internet. Sorry for the mess, I wasn’t expecting company.

Here is more than you’ll ever really want to know about me — These are the books I’ve written, these are the places I’ve done or will do stand-up, these are the articles I’ve written, this is the blog I do about my inadequacies as a father and this is how you can get in touch with me.

Also, one of my tweets was named best jokes of the year by the New York Post, which is cool, considering I imagined the only way to get into the Post was by being the backup quarterback for the New York Jets or killing someone.

55 thoughts on “Bio

  1. Your link to your best jokes of the year goes to a “Page Not Found” on the New York Post. I guess I’ll take your word for it :/

  2. I am a father with a hot coworker, too. In regards to Thomas the Tank Engine and his best friends “Percy.” My son associated anything blue as Thomas and green as “Percy.” While at the grocery store my son wanted some green Gatorade and asked very loudly if he could have some pussy juice. When he saw my face he said mommy lets me have pussy juice. I bought him a case of that shit….

  3. I’m a casting director looking for funny parents for a new docu-series. Can you please email me your contact info and I can give you more information. Would like to interview you. Thanks! -isabel

  4. One question, how the heck can you get them to shut up when they inconveniently are more intellectually willing to wear you to the one and beyond I of course am talking about the dreaded 9 year old please save me!

  5. I thought for certain all your post-it notes were written by a woman. Cracked me up, but hands down, a woman. Well done.
    Wish I read your “buying toys based on how much they hurt when you step on them in the dark” before xmas. Inbox me timely advice please?
    PS…I’m in need of being someone’s hot co-worker. You should have a resume page :)

  6. Your stuff is hilarious and I am saving your page so my soon-to-be-a-stay-at-home-dad husband can learn what it’s really like on the inside (he is a couple of years behind you though). Right now he thinks it will just be shits and giggles… Anyway, love your stuff. I look forward to reading more.

  7. Loved reading all
    Reminded me of when my kids were little had me thinking of my favorite stories of them…
    we had one of our boys believing in blinker fluid till he needed a new bulb.

  8. Bored at work and stumbled upon your beauty of a blog. Hilarious stuff! I’m going to start showing everyone I know. You’ve earned it.

  9. LOVE IT!!! I only wish I had your insight when our daughter was growing up… at 31, it’s a little late for her and for us. Hey, maybe for my wife, that’s an idea that I can make hay with!

  10. Great Stuff! So reminded me of the days when I was raising my boys myself! Now a grandfather of 3 and seeing it all over again. Giving your notes to the young dads so they can be prepared! Good luck!

  11. Incredibly fun to read! My daughter constantly makes me laugh with little quips. Her latest is the following: Me: “You’re kind of weird sometimes.” Her: “You made me this way!” It never ends.

  12. Chris, your writing style is wonderful and I’m glad I follow your updates. :) I’m excited to read your books next!

  13. I tripped onto your page by lucky accident and spent the next two hours lol’ing. I recently went back to work, and while my hubs is still active duty in the military and our kids are school aged, he has picked up quite a bit of my slack. I often wonder what goes on when Im not around…..are the girls covering for him? LOL Had circumstances been different I imagine he would be walking in your shoes. The song/video by Lonestar – Mr. Mom plays in my head on repeat. Wish I had a camera following him around. I bet it would make great youtube hits. Love your stuff. Keep the laughs coming. Best of luck.

  14. Hey Chris! I love reading your stuff, you have no idea. I accidentally found you when I was skyping with my now ex boyfriend JonMark about a month ago, and I keep watching your stuff seeing everything you post. I particularly enjoy it, because even though I’m not a stay at home dad, I help my mom (I’m a girl) take care of my two brothers, and I played a major parental role in my baby brothers life, and a lot of the things you post I can relate to because I have dealt with the same stuff! Keep up the great work and just know that in July when I go to Great Lakes Training Center in Chicago for my Basic and A-School, You are going to be the first things I look up on the internet (once I’m allowed back on the internet that its). Keep it up!

  15. 31 yo female married to a 47 yo man so we don’t have plans for children together but your blog makes me laugh so hard i snort… so i’m happy to be home alone on the couch while my firefighter husband (married 11 days now!!) is off training other firefighters. Thanks for the laughs and keep up the fabulous work!

  16. So, here it is at last… A place to hide out and vent the feelings of being the prowd owner of a shiny new heathen.. I’ve been blessed with the curse of a fiery ginger that is the cutest form of daily torcher you’ll ever get the chance to lay your black underlined eyes on. He’s like me as a teenager except he’s 14 months old… Party and scream at the top of your lungs all night and crash hard after you realize the hangovers setting in at around noon. It wasn’t always like that … It was a form of torcher your worst enemy couldn’t provide even if he/she had Kathy Gifford signing “I’ll be there ” over and over again while your strapped to a bar stool in an awkward room just for “the two of you” the wife unit and I had such bad sleep deprivation I was starting to see some of the weirdest shit…it was like the days of eating liberty caps or qbenzies and the ceiling starts to glow or big jelly fish like faces come out of the wall like in poltergeist . He’s the thing I love most in this world… I’m still waiting for the ” I I’ve you dad” but I figure giving me a nodded grunt when I serve him frozen waffles is his genrations way of sayin”cool”. Where I’m at now is chasing this kid ….. He’s like a small very observant ninja… He waits for prime opertunnitys of mayhem only to pull them off with such stealth you really start to think ” he’s been with miagi again I knew it! He finds shit from places I didn’t know existed I. The caverns of our wood floors… I’ve begun to just glance at it to see if it’s metal or smaller than a toilet paper roll and if it doesn’t fit that criteria I consider it an immune boosting snack… And hey… No major illness or internal injuries yet. I spend nearly every waking minuet with my boy and it’s a blast in most regards and I miss him when I’m working or not around. It’s a pavlovs dog sinario, he’s got such good control over us parents he can act however he wants for 24 hours strait, scream In Resturaunts at the top of his lungs, throw his food on the ground or into nearbyplant pots, ruin mommys and daddy’s cloths by throwing up somthing he didn’t really want to eat by sticking his finger into the black abbis of his throat just to tickle the pickle and HOORAY we get to see sponge bob and friends agin but in a little bit of digested way…. Makes for a good afternoon… Never a dull moment here…ohhh no… He’s like all the red heads I’ve dated…he’s a ball of raging unstable energy that is basically a ticking time bomb waiting to see if your competent enough to get
    What he’s about to pull off before he does it. And like most reds he hides it well.. In a loving caring ginger wrappe shell… But it doesn’t take long for this ginger to snap! Aww he’s a good kid we get lots of compliments on him …enough I think that I told the wife she doesn’t need that new coach bag for summer…. You got plenty of ginger flair hangin off your arm already … The old folks already swarm him like he’s wearing a white robe with his arms wide open while standing In the fountain of youth. Raising kids is an on going fun challange and I’m sure I’m not the only stay at home dad that’s seen,Heard, or gone thru any of this so,it’s great to step
    Back from the nasty diaper genie smells seeping from that poorly made p.o.s. (No pun intended) and vent in a different room that kids can’t touch be smear everywhere… Thanks Chris for letting me yap ..I’ll look forward to
    Swapping some hilarious stories cause if you got
    Kids you definately got

  17. My sons are 23 and 19 and they are still hilarious. I look back with nostalgia at some of the unintentionally funny things they did and said when they were little, because now, when they are hilarious, it’s much more deliberate (and they are slightly more easily embarrassed, a fact that I take advantage of regularly). Sometimes I miss when they were just little guys, and it makes me ache, until I walk in any public women’s restroom and run up against the eye-wateringly thick wall of eau de diaper sauce as I pass the changing table. That, and the quick walk to the next restroom, clears the melancholy RIGHT up.

  18. Is that really the same guy in the both pictures above? The handsome looking man on the left and on the right side the criminal looking person who seems to be at the Comedy Club NY. I like the left one better.

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